Settling

Settling down. What makes us so sure that the person we want to settle down with is the one? Are there any signs?

I wonder? Is it just a feeling of euphoria? Love? Peace? Contentment? What?

Yes, Me and "A" have been together for a pretty short time I would say. There are some discussions on being together indefinitely. From a unsure kinda position, I am moving towards I think he might be the one. But I am still looking out for signs that say that he might not be the one.

Syndrome of once bitten twice shy. Looking back on what happened not that many years back. I thought that that person was the one I would be settling down with. Notwithstanding the tons of quarrels we had. I was badly shaken and broken after that experience. How does a person go from loving you to dumping you for someone else. Talk about fickleness. Back then, we too had plans to settle down. But it didn't happen. Judging from where I am now.

Now, I am just unsure about how commited a person really is. At the moment, yes, full enthusiasm but would that change? Is this truly how the person is? Or is he still pretending to be what he is not?

I would say that "A" has been really committed and supportive. He doesn't strike me as someone who is fickle minded. Nor did the previous one. But it still happened. Getting married seems fanciful to me. I want to settle with someone who will cherish me. Someone who wouldnt back out even when we face difficult problems. He would stick around instead of finding the next best option. "A" has been doing that. So should I lay my fears aside and start seriously thinking about it.

I finally took one more step in getting us rings. I have not wanted to do it cause I felt that there was no significance in it. I used to love the idea of wearing identical rings. Silly notions really. But a ring will not tie a person any more to you. So what if he wears a ring but his heart does not stay put. Makes no difference. But after being with "A" for this long, his sincerity has touched deep in my core. I know he is not joking nor jesting. So I finally suggested getting them while we were out. He had been talking abt getting a Lee Hwa ring. But I told him dun wan. Jus a simple band will do. So what if there's a diamond ring. Like I said, it makes no difference. If he goes, he goes. And then, what do I do? Stare at the ring. Wonder what to do with it like the previous ring?

There are plans to maybe get a flat next year. Still sitting and waiting. I am excited but I am not doing anything about it. Will not. Actually this time round. "A" seems to be putting in effort to look up the prices of flats. Cost of getting one. How much should we be earning. Looking at stuff like that. I remember the last round. I was the idiot doing that. But all for nothing. So I am not getting all hot and excited for nothing. But I can see his sincerity and genuine want. That's why I am even considering this.

I had actually resigned myself to the fact that perhaps I will not settle down. As I dun think there is anyone out there who is sincere and genuine enough. But I guess God is good. He did bring someone else much better along. More suited for me. I will just have to trust Him and "A" more. To be honest. I like how me and "A" accommodate each other. Life is nice and pleasant. No earth shattering quarrels over nothing important. There isn't much of arguements at all. Nothing much to be hot and bothered about. Lots of give and take. I am just amazed by it all.

One thing I told "A" was that there is no such thing as DIVORCE in my dictionary. No such thing. We work at it no matter what. Its a union till death do us part literally. Coming from a divorced family, I never want my kids to have to go through something like that. Never ever.

Yea. This is how I am feeling now....