I miss you!

I miss u Mathias. I miss u so much. It hurts so much everyday without u. I sit here looking at ur pics everyday n wishing I can hold u again. This is so much more than I can bear.

It's going to be a month without u. N it has not gotten any better. I still hurt as much if not worse. I miss ur presence so much my honeypie. This sucks so bad. I am very worried abt whether I can handle this.

Ur papa is not going to be around this thurs where it's ur death anniversary of a month. I have serious doubts abt whether I can hold up.

I sometimes wonder why this had to happen. Why God chose u to be my son n me ur mother. Why He allowed u to be born with this genetic disease Menkes. Although he allowed us this precious time together but I still can't understand why he did it. It hurts so much to be without u now. Why couldn't He let u be born healthy n be with us longer? Did I cherish u more cause of ur sickness?

I have only memories of u now n it's not enough. It's never enough. I will forever hurt n miss u my merky boy! It takes so much of me everyday without u. Can I last? I need to. Please remember mama. Cause mama is pining for u my baby boy.