Thursday, March 03, 2011


It's been a struggle for me. All along I've always been asking God to give me more time with Mathias. Wanting more time to be with him. Wanting him close to me. But I realized today that I have been selfish. Seeing him with his bloated tummy, taking so much medicine, loud breathing, tons of phlegm, I ask myself is this truly what I want for him. He has been such a strong n brave boy. Enough is enough. I realize that what I should be praying for instead is that for God to take him home. To end his suffering. He has fought a long n tough battle here on earth. He has fought hard n well to be here with us. And God has been gracious, giving us so much time. Obviously, it's never enough. I will always want to hold my boy, kiss him, smell him, stroke his face n head. But I have to start to let him go. I cannot continue holding on to him. I suppose he can feel it n knows. I dun want him to hang on just for me.
Although I have accepted it, a small part of me just can't let go. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed. Can I really handle this. I know eventually I will cause God will give me the strength. And he will never give me a cross too heavy to carry.
But right now, I feel so alone.


At 11:00 PM , Blogger ComputerBoy said...

I cant help crying reading yours... But anyway, you must have enough strength to face the truth. I think, no I FEEL it better to let him go. I've lost my close friend, my aunt, and nearly my mom, but they never gone to me. They're always around me, in my action, in my words, in my problems, in my fights, in my success, and sometime in my dreams.

At 12:22 AM , Blogger ComputerBoy said...

Today, after reading this post, I must get back to carefully read your blog again, from the first happy days of the mommy-baby up to this post. I got so happy with the SMILING chickydee, though very rare.

I'm wondering about your next baby?! Never seen you post about it, though!?

At 1:01 PM , Blogger mybabybunny said...

Thanks ComputerBoy.

I still remember you. I used to blog on Phamhongmai if you remember. Very long ago. ;;)

Anyways, do you have facebook? I tend to post up more photos there.

At 1:23 AM , Blogger ComputerBoy said...

> Phamhongmai if you remember.
Of course, in fact, I happened to get here just a time I missed you but couldn't find out the blog "phamhongmai" anymore. And that time, I left my first comment on this blog about a year ago.

> do you have facebook?
Unfortunately, fb doesn't work well here, in Vietnam! :( Now, I nearly unable to access it! However, plz gimmi your fb's name. I'll try whenever possible! ;)

All best wishes to you & your family!

At 8:52 AM , Anonymous joanna litto said...

Be strong penelope =D keep having faith. God is there 24/7 .


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