agnst

I can't help but feel a little down. I know I should trust the Lord and know that He will make things right. But seeing him like that and seeing other babies doing things which he is supposed to be doing makes me feel helpless. Doc's call it floppy baby syndrome. Baby has low muscle tone, therefore he will need help with learning to do things like flipping, lifting his head up and lifting himself up on his elbows. He will be going for his MRI scan on this coming Monday. I am seriously worried. The doc has not even gotten back to me with regards to his blood and urine tests. What is the problem and what kinda occupational therapy can we do to help him. I am pissed with the doc as he was supposed to get back to me regarding the results before we see if there is a need to do the MRI scan but of course our dear doc has gone on a week's leave. of all times, it has to be now. I am seriously disappointed in the doctors at KK hospital. From the time Mathias was born till now, they have proved to be very irresponsible. I am thinking of getting another doctor to see Mathias. Will be talking to his GP here soon and see if he has any good recommendations. I am sick of the ones in KK. I feel so out of control as they are not giving me the needed information and options.

I feel very upset. I try not to let it show too much but its on my mind all the time. I wonder what went wrong. Although from what I have read online its hard to find the cause. He will slowly improve but it will take time. He won't be as fast as the other babies. It hurts me to see him like this and having to do all the tests. Painful for the mama to see.

I do not regret having him though. Although it has been difficult, I still feel blessed to have given birth to Mathias. I love him so much. I know I am a little overprotective of him but I can't help it as he is already put through so much since birth. Most of the nonsense the doctors said he had had been cleared and he ain't having them. He is fine. Just that seeing him being checked and probed non stop is wearing on me. So I tend to want to keep him safe and healthy. Because of this I get into a tug of war with "A" parents. But at the end of the day, I always say its the mama's perogative to state how I want my child to be cared. They had their chance already. This is my baby and this is how I want him to be raised. It gets to me too but I will have to grit my teeth till the day I move to my new place. "A" has been a great source of strength and support too. Without him I would not be able to take it. So I count my blessings in finding a good husband. He supports and stands by me and the decisions I make. I feel lucky in that sense as not all husbands will choose to stand by their wives. But that is important in a marriage. I know that sometimes when he chooses to stand by me or listens to my gripe about his parents, I put him under a lot of stress. I'm sorry "A". I try harder not to gripe too much or make it too difficult for him. But I sometimes forget as I get very emotional. And yes, his family is super different from mine. They are very chinese and ......how shall I put it.........tend to use old methods which I do not subscribe to. Not that it might not work but I rather do it slightly differently.

Example: I chose to wait till Mathias turned 6mth to start him on cereal, but his mum wanted to start it at about 3mth. It was practiced in the past but these days, docs and World Health has recommended that starting a baby on cereal after the 6th month is better for the baby.

I started on cereal and she wants to start him on porridge. Which I find is boring for the baby. I give him veg and fruit individually to get him used to the taste. Porridge is not as nutritional and he can't eat that much yet so there's no point.

His dad wants to bring Mathias down everyday for a walk. I rather he did not do it everyday as it creates an expectation of the child that come rain or shine, he will wanna go out. What if no one has time to bring him down and he creates a big hoo ha just cause of that. Plus I was adamant about his dad not bringing him to the old people's corner as a lot of unsavory characters hang about there smoking and gambling. I do not want to expose Mathias to that and the viruses that can be caught there are unthinkable. They will probably wanna touch Mathias and that can invite so many types of unknown danger to him. He is still so young. I do not want him to be down with some sickness. eg. Pneumococcal disease.

Simple everyday issues are a headache as well. Not closing the milk bottles container. That will invite germs to breed. Not air tight mah. Carrying him all the time. Bad as he is not made to sit up or watching tv while sitting up for prolonged hours when conducive things like reading to the baby will be more beneficial. Dad not washing his hands and touching baby makes me want to scream the most. WHY? He goes out all the time and who knows what he has been touching outside. Washing hands before touching him is a sore topic and no coming near the baby at night after he is drunk was another issue. I make it easier by bringing Mathias into my room by the time he comes home. Faint.

These are the more usual happenings. There are others but lets not even go into them. Heeez.

Yes, I may seem irritating but I can't ignore them. These are relevant issues as they effect baby's health. I am a little nutty I guess but when you become a mother, you might understand a little more. ;-)

Anyways, will end here.