Monday, October 30, 2006

Time to look around.

confirmed have to find something else. I think its really time to go. So yea...moving on once I found something. ;-)

Feeling a little anxious but am going to try to relax n allow things to happen. I believe God has a plan and I shouldn't panick. Yeps.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Musings

"G" is really amusing. His friend who is a Malaysian crashed into the butt of a policecar. How funny is that? Ahahaahahaahaaa "G". Whatever was your friend doing???? Hilarious!!! Of all people, he chose to bang into a cop's car. Here are some pics I stole off "G's" blog.













Had a pretty ok long weekend. Actually quite annoying. It was pretty wasted. Sigh!! Not going to expand on it but here's the part tt was at least spent doing something worthwhile. Although the crowd was annoying too. So many people. Sigh!!! We went to Vivocity with "A's" mum. Some pics inside the building and outside. Wasn't really in da mood to take pics too.
























This is the back view of "A's" mum. The one in stripes.






























































































View's nice on the outside... Nothing worth mentioning. Only Candy Empire perked me up. Bought cherry liqour chocolates. Yum yum...




Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Get up lazy bones

The soul is willing but the body is weak!!!! How true that is.

I am currently reading "The Kiss of Heaven" by Darlene Zschech. I'm on chap 2 and right now...Its waking me up to some lazy ideas I have been having. Sigh!! I know I should be doing more. And I wanna be doing more but on the other hand am not willing to have to give up more time. So how??

Blah Blah...need to wake up and this book is just wat I need. More of God and less of the world. Time to jolt myself awake. Need to live a victorious life instead of wallowing in the pig sty.

Will update on my progress and my thots .....

Monday, October 23, 2006

It all makes sense now

I thank God for small mercies. I am now certain of my F-up judgement. This is the first time I use this word here and it will be the last. I have just realised how stupid I have been. And I mean really stupid. I can only say that after finding out the truth and I mean the truth. It has set me free in a sense. But I cannot deny the pain and shock at finding out the truth at last. I never thought I would to told the truth. But as can be seen nothing remains hidden for long no matter how hard you try to hide it. I fully and truly understand it now. I am really stupid.

Time to appreciate what I have and the one who really loves me for who I am. I am jus content that God has been terribly kind to me and allowed small mercies like this.

I feel like crying bad. But I will not. There isn't a point to it at all. I loved him and that is all. It happened and nothing can change that. He deceived me and I went along with it. I don't blame him. Its a lesson learnt. I just thank "A's" patience with me. He is a gem. A real gem.

I feel so cold. My heart is so cold......

Friday, October 20, 2006

McLAREN F1 GT ROADCAR

INTRODUCTION

The final variant of the McLaren F1 road car, the F1 GT,
was developed to achieve downforce matching that of the
F1 LM, but with less drag. To achieve this balance, the F1 GT
featured extended front bodywork and revised rear-deck profile.

With such sleek lines and dramatic new wheel-arch louvres the
F1 GT became visually the most exciting McLaren roadcar.

Powered by the hand-built McLaren BMW S 70/2 6.1-litre V12
engine the F1 GT offered instant performance at any speed, in any
gear. Featuring a redesigned interior, upholstered in fine Connolly
leather and Alcantara suede the F1 GT set a new standard of luxury
for Grand Touring cars.

Continuing the design philosophy of the original F1 and the
spectacular F1 LM, the F1 GT is the ultimate Grand Touring car.

McLAREN F1 GT ROADCAR - PRODUCTION

In total only 3 McLaren F1 GTs were ever made. The unique
long-tail GT holds the honour of the rarest of all versions of the
McLaren F1. One of the three cars still belongs to McLaren with
the other two the treasured possessions of their customers. And
just like the LM, long-tail McLaren F1 GTs rarely change hands.

Publicity Shoot






Publicity Shoot




Publicity Shoot



Okies.... I am now mad over this car's design....Dam happening!!!! Hot!!!

Mundane stuff

I will con't to refrain from posting up my pictures. ;-) There'll be pics of things I do. But not my personal pics. Anyways, it was a good evening last night. Had tution, went to Plaza Sing for dinner, went to spot light, caught The Prestige. Hehe. Was exhausted after that of course but it was an evening well spent. Who else to spend it with but "A". Won't get to see him for the next few days. Busy busy. Him meeting his friends, Family Day on sat at Pasir Ris for me, hanging out with my bro on sun and him working on sat and sun. ;-) I think I will only get to see him on monday night. Mmmm.. I think so. Unless he comes for church on sunday.

Okies, The Prestige is a cool show. A little complicated but I like complicated. Ahahaahaa. Damn it but Hugh Jackman is a handsome guy. Sigh!!! Hehe... ok ok. shall not ruin the show for you if you have not watched it. Its about this two magicians. Pretty cool. Many twists in the story till I was blurred. But well done. ;-)











Thursday, October 19, 2006

Dreams are weird stuff

I can't seem to stop this from happening each time. It happens when I am sleeping and happily dreaming away. I do not consciously think about it. It just pops up. I feel so helpless to stop it from happening. "B" always seem to pop up in my dream. The dreams are always so vivid. It scares me truth be told. I have no idea why it happens. Loose ends untied or its just me being me. Perhaps its just cause of him being there at my lowest point and he was kinda like a very personal confidante. So it seems kinda weird that its like that now. I have no idea. But its freaking me out. The dreams are pretty frequent. I wish it would stop. That would give me some peace of mind. I need that.

I'm not being unfair to "A" right? I hope I am not. Its not a conscious decision and "A" is very important to me. So yea....

I have yet to buy him his belated birthday dinner. I so wanna do it. But I think I will freeze out like the last round. Smack me. Sigh. When did I become so self conscious. Bloody! I need to face this and get around this obstacle. Maybe that's why I keep dreaming of him. I bet he is not at all affected by this and I am the only stupid one wallowing in this murk I made. Sometimes I just can't stand myself.

On another note. I made more earrings. I feel happy just doing that. In the event I dun manage to sell them online. Who's interested in selling stuff at a flea mart with me? That'll be fun. Hehe...

Planning on more designs. Okies. Gotta be going. Got tons of other stuff to do.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Fifi Designs

I have started what I had wanted to do in a long while. Its still in its infancy stage so no laughing please. You are welcome to give your feedback. I would very much appreciate them. For the moment, the designs are still pretty limited. Will expand it soon. So please take a look and see if any of you like the designs. If you do, let me know. I am selling them hor. Not giving them away. Hopefully it will take off.

Self ADVERTISING!!!!

Please check out this website:
  • Fifi Designs


  • I hope you like the designs and perhaps spread the word around when it has better designs. ;-)

    I am fifi la ok.

    Tuesday, October 17, 2006

    Settling

    Settling down. What makes us so sure that the person we want to settle down with is the one? Are there any signs?

    I wonder? Is it just a feeling of euphoria? Love? Peace? Contentment? What?

    Yes, Me and "A" have been together for a pretty short time I would say. There are some discussions on being together indefinitely. From a unsure kinda position, I am moving towards I think he might be the one. But I am still looking out for signs that say that he might not be the one.

    Syndrome of once bitten twice shy. Looking back on what happened not that many years back. I thought that that person was the one I would be settling down with. Notwithstanding the tons of quarrels we had. I was badly shaken and broken after that experience. How does a person go from loving you to dumping you for someone else. Talk about fickleness. Back then, we too had plans to settle down. But it didn't happen. Judging from where I am now.

    Now, I am just unsure about how commited a person really is. At the moment, yes, full enthusiasm but would that change? Is this truly how the person is? Or is he still pretending to be what he is not?

    I would say that "A" has been really committed and supportive. He doesn't strike me as someone who is fickle minded. Nor did the previous one. But it still happened. Getting married seems fanciful to me. I want to settle with someone who will cherish me. Someone who wouldnt back out even when we face difficult problems. He would stick around instead of finding the next best option. "A" has been doing that. So should I lay my fears aside and start seriously thinking about it.

    I finally took one more step in getting us rings. I have not wanted to do it cause I felt that there was no significance in it. I used to love the idea of wearing identical rings. Silly notions really. But a ring will not tie a person any more to you. So what if he wears a ring but his heart does not stay put. Makes no difference. But after being with "A" for this long, his sincerity has touched deep in my core. I know he is not joking nor jesting. So I finally suggested getting them while we were out. He had been talking abt getting a Lee Hwa ring. But I told him dun wan. Jus a simple band will do. So what if there's a diamond ring. Like I said, it makes no difference. If he goes, he goes. And then, what do I do? Stare at the ring. Wonder what to do with it like the previous ring?

    There are plans to maybe get a flat next year. Still sitting and waiting. I am excited but I am not doing anything about it. Will not. Actually this time round. "A" seems to be putting in effort to look up the prices of flats. Cost of getting one. How much should we be earning. Looking at stuff like that. I remember the last round. I was the idiot doing that. But all for nothing. So I am not getting all hot and excited for nothing. But I can see his sincerity and genuine want. That's why I am even considering this.

    I had actually resigned myself to the fact that perhaps I will not settle down. As I dun think there is anyone out there who is sincere and genuine enough. But I guess God is good. He did bring someone else much better along. More suited for me. I will just have to trust Him and "A" more. To be honest. I like how me and "A" accommodate each other. Life is nice and pleasant. No earth shattering quarrels over nothing important. There isn't much of arguements at all. Nothing much to be hot and bothered about. Lots of give and take. I am just amazed by it all.

    One thing I told "A" was that there is no such thing as DIVORCE in my dictionary. No such thing. We work at it no matter what. Its a union till death do us part literally. Coming from a divorced family, I never want my kids to have to go through something like that. Never ever.

    Yea. This is how I am feeling now....

    Monday, October 16, 2006

    Married

    Saturday saw me attending yet another friend's wedding. It was a nice affair. I usually do not like attending wedding dinners as I find them terribly impersonal. There's always a lack of warmness. So I was bracing myself for a long night of boredom. But as it turned out, the people at my table were pretty fun. And yes, we kinda knew each other cause our names had been mentioned many times by "J" to each other. Haha. So funny. We were going like, oh you are"T" or you are "C". I introduced myself with my short name so "C" was going .... mmmm...I heard about "P" (long name) ..... Which made me introduce my long name to all on the table. Haha.... So we actually heard about each other before we met.

    My table officially had 8 people but 3 were helpers so they hardly sat down to eat much. The five of us had a good time stuffing our face. Especially "T". He ate like non stop. ;-) The only person I really knew was "Y". We were together in University with "J". Mmm...anyways, It was the most enjoyable dinner I had in a long time. Food was pretty good, just that I had already stuffed my face before going down. Was hungry therefore I ate dinner with "A" at his place cause his mum cooked. I even had rice. So imagine me trying to push down a many course dinner after tt. Sigh!! Bad idea. Had nice red wine too. From Australia. Wasn't taking much notice of the name of it when it was mentioned. Hehe....

    The deco was nice. Black table cloth. Nice!!! Unconventional. Think she spent a bomb. Now I wonder if I gave enough. Sigh!

    Anyways, by the time dinner ended, we felt like we knew each other for a long time. Exchanged emails so that I could forward the photos taken. ;-) I staggered home after the dinner. So full....

    Photos have been deleted. :-)

    Friday, October 13, 2006

    World Trade Centre

    I found this to be a good show. Its not about effects, its not about the big bang, its about human emotions, about human trauma. It is slow and not some fast paced show. Its about humanity. How our will enables us to overcome such odds. How friendship and support allows us to survive even the harshest conditions.

    I give it a thumbs up. If you want to watch it, be prepared for a slow movie but one full of emotion and depth. It reminds us to not take our life for granted and always appreciate your loved ones while you are able to. Sometimes we tend to look at the little things and forget the most important thing. If we love them, what does it matter who wins an arguement or who's fault it is. Let it go and enjoy each other. ;-)

    Good movie to think through!









    The events of September 11 left an indelible mark on most Americans, and certainly on those in the New York City area. Yet as fresh as the images seem, it’s easy to forget the actual grit, sacrifice, and uncertainty of that day. Director Oliver Stone captures the essence of 9/11 by focusing on the true story of two Port Authority Police Department officers who were trapped beneath the wreckage of the fallen World Trade Center.

    Veteran officer Sergeant John McLoughlin (Nicholas Cage) and his team, including rookie Will Jimeno (Michael Pena) are gathering equipment to enter the burning Twin Towers when the concourse comes crashing down around them. Twenty feet below the surface, pinned by debris and unable to reach anyone by radio, the officers must rely on their own will--and on each other--to survive. Above ground, their families watch the towers fall, uncertain whether or not McLoughlin and Jimeno are there, since they are normally assigned to the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Like so many that day, Donna McLoughlin (Maria Bello) and Allison Jimeno (Maggie Gyllenhaal) wait for news at home surrounded by their families, fearing the worst and praying for the best. Stone’s film depicts the horror and heartbreak of the victims, survivors, and their families with an understated, subtle touch. From the ash and dust covering everyone and everything to the dazed expressions of the workers leaving the towers to the steaming twisted metal remains of the World Trade Center, attention to detail is exceedingly realistic. Rather than being political or sensationalistic, this is a film about everyday heroes--men and women doing their best in the face of an unspeakable event. It may be just one story of many from September 11, but it represents the efforts, emotions, and reactions of so many on that fateful day.

    Wednesday, October 11, 2006

    Hate being a merlion

    Was really very sick for the past two days. I do not want to be that sick again anytime soon. It started on monday when I felt very queasy in the morning. I as usual thought that I was very hungry. Tried to take some biscuits to tide me thru. But the queasiness didn't subside. In the end I put up with it. Thinking it would stop. Anyway, come lunch time and the feeling got worse. Hoping that after eating, it would stop. Yah, silly me.

    Lunch was Fish Slice Bee Hoon. Could hardly eat much. Took in abt a quarter of it before giving up. Felt increasingly worse. Got back to the office and wished I didn't feel so sick. Had lots to do so how can I even think abt going home to rest. There's a seminar happening the next day. Bleah!

    After a little while, I realised that I had to puke...so yea, I turned into a Merlion. And it continued at least 4 times before I totally gave up trying to set up the seminar room. Bloody! By then, I called my mum to ask her if she could fetch me home. Too weak to even try hailing a cab. Sigh!

    So went home first cause the doc's close around 4plus for their dinner break. Embarassingly, I was puking into my plastic bag while trying to open my house door. So paiseh. My sis came back then too. She wasn't feeling well too. Went in to rest a little before heading over to the doc's. By the time I got to the doc's, I had puked 6times and so weak I felt like fainting on the way over to the clinic. He gave me an injection. Supposedly to stop the puking. Some medication as well. He mentioned I had food poisoning...Not again!!! ;-(

    mmm....Puking didn't subside. I tried drinking glucose and taking some porridge after 9pm as suggested by the doc but it all came out again. :-( Basically the entire night was abt the same. Could not take in any water at all and even when there was nothing to heave, I still heaved. So terribly gross. By morning, I realised I couldn't go to work. No small wonder. Tried to take in little spoonfuls of glucose thru the day. Couldn't eat at all still. Tried to take some porridge but after putting a small spoonful of it. My tummy decided it couldn't keep it in. So yea... no food at all till evening. Where I managed a little bowl of porridge. Haven't really eaten much till now. Before I slept, I took another little bowl of porridge.

    Anyways am existing on glucose for now. Hopefully lunch would be ok I hope. Soup or porridge again. The thought of tt is quite disgusting by now but no choice.

    What I can say is that its been a terribly 2 days. It felt terrible. I hated it. What's worse is that I couldn't even celebrate Joanie's birthday with her. Shite!! That's the worse. Smack me.

    Sigh. Am on the recovery mode.. so I guess I'll be fine soon.

    ;-)

    Monday, October 09, 2006

    Sick in the stomach

    I am so sick! My tummy hasn't been well for a long time. And right now, it has developed into a stomach flu I think. Pukes! The nausea is horrendous. I can hardly eat or focus. Shit! How to go for dinner later. At the moment, I already feel like smacking dead somewhere. Can I go home? HELP!!!

    The feeling is so sick.

    I need help. Like now.

    Thursday, October 05, 2006

    Frizzle Frazzle

    Mentally tired out. As in very frizzled frazzled. Sudden influx of work as a last minute seminar is headed by us. I am totally wiped out. Non stop emails and calls. Swamped that's what it is. I am wishing for the end of the day right now where I can go home and rest. I so need a good rest. Well, only thing keeping me sane is thoughts of the weekend. "A" is not working at all this weekend. How rare! We get to spend a little more time together after he spends the morning and afternoon sleeping on saturday. :-) I am happy!!!! Hopefully we spend it constructively. We will be going to the Open movie screening over at Padang on Saturday. Yippeee!!! Complimentary tickets somemore.

    Mmmmm..... Bunny is teething at the moment. Hehe... OK OK....she's my imaginary bunny ok. That's her you see on my profile. So cutsy right? "A" started this. He made her start biting me. Teething so yea. But she has no teeth..Wahaahahaaa.

    Tired tired. Can't stop complaining. Feels a little better when I listen to music as I work. If not, I will go insane. Literally. Madness!!!! Well, I just hope it all goes smoothly. Please do not mess it up. Bleah! Its next week. So yea. Snore.

    Wednesday, October 04, 2006

    Ride of my life

    Esctatic!!!! A whooping thrill!!

    Thanks to "G" I got to sit in my dream car. It was way better than what I could have ever imagined. Its engine sounded like a purr of a cat. The smoothness of the car as it maneuvered itself in the maze of cars on the road was pure pleasure. Plus the effortless skill of the driver leaves one open jawed with awe. ;-) Hehe.... That's how I would summarise the night.

    Let me start from the beginning in case I leave anyone flustered and wondering what am I talking about. I met "G" and his friends together with "A" at the popular Fried Chicken Bee Hoon store. We had a good dinner of chicken wings. Yum Yum... "G's" friends turned out to be really nice and friendly people. EMPAHSISE VERY NICE PEOPLE!!! Eh, I didn't include u hor! Dun be thick skinned... Ahaahahaha... Ya la...

    After eating and talking, we proceeded over to goo goo gaa gaa over the stunning car. ;-P I of course snapped pictures like nobody's business..here are the shots of the car. In case you all think that the body of the car has a flame like design, look at it closely again. You might realise then that its actually the silhouette of girl's face and her long long hair. Cool right? I only realise it after standing there for some time. That's how blind I am. Bleah! The driver's girlfriend designed it for him. Really cool.





































































    The interior of the car. Both doors could be opened. Nice right?








































    He has a supercharger engine (is tt wat its called?). Its been modified. Man, the engine was pure adrenaline rush. He gave me a ride. Hehe...Ok, to be honest, thats what I was looking forward to all evening. And yes, it turns out to be an awesome experience. Compared to the rides I have taken in an Integra and FTO, this wins hands down. Ahahaahahaa... We flew like the wind. He had great control of the car. Zig zagged between cars at a speed of 60 to 150. It was a thrilling ride. He explained some very interesting aspects of the car. Dang it. Makes me want to own one too. But yes, its an expensive hobby. Very expensive.

    Think some might wonder if I was scared by the ride. Actually, I was not. I only felt excitment. Hehe... I loved the speed. Dam cool!!!! The roar of the engine was heavenly. The car gripped the surface and you couldn't even feel any lightness. Its well done. The modification that is. Yes, yes, I had my safety belt on. And crashing was the last thing on my mind. Anyways, he was a good driver...Hehe... SMOOTH!!!!!

    Its going to be a long time till I forget the rush. :-) Speed rules, but only if you can survive it.

    Dun be influenced la. I love cars n anything fast. So please ignore me ok? Dun learn from me. Ahaahaahaa.....

    Oh, and once again, a BIG THANK YOU to all who made it possible. Namely, "G", "A" and "G's" friends. And of course the special RX-8. ;-)

    "G" ah, u r VERY VERY NICE. Happy???? Hehe.... Thanks.

    Tuesday, October 03, 2006

    Haze attack

    Feeling very sleepy and nauseous. Its the hazy air that I am breathing in. It dun sit well with my tummy. Yucks!! Only thing propelling me today is the ride later. Really looking forward to it..Hehe..

    Okies. Do not really wanna chart anything down today. Just feel sick right about now. Gross! Pls return our clean fresh air. ;-(

    Monday, October 02, 2006

    Queen of crankiness

    I notice that I am getting a little cranky in general. Need to work on it. Sigh! Very easily irrtated by "A". And yes, he is bearing the brunt of it. I am not sure why? But it has to stop. I do not like feeling this way. I was extremely highly irritated on saturday. Probably cause I didn't want to waste my weekend. Those who work the entire week will feel this way I guess. So being me, I wanted to get out the house early. Not extremely early but not till afternoon la.

    So anyways, as usual we didn't leave till 4pm. Dam, that's more than half the day gone for me. Or so my mind thinks. SHITE!!! Heez. Ok, so we went to visit his uncle who was warded in hospital. I was fine with that, but of course as expected, it took a long time. And his parents decided to stay on for a longer time. I was getting depressed by then. I am not without feelings but, dam I was feeling selfish since my day is disappearing fast. I wait 5 long days for the weekend and when it comes, it gets wasted away. "A" does not understand this feeling cause he works 2 full days and then he gets his 2 day offs. Its tiring work. But he doesn't wait for the 5 long days before u get time to play. Sigh! So he doesn't get why I am so sensitive about my weekends. I can't stand not doing anything and just waste it on sleepin. A little sleeping is fine, but not thruout.

    So lucky for me, his mum said its ok, that we should go off and do our stuff as they intend to stay on. But by then, my delicate balance was way off. I had on a sour face. Didn't even know where to go anymore. In the end, we went over to Changi Village for dinner and went home. Wasn't in the mood to go out or do anything else already. Plus I had to get up early the next day as i was on duty in church. Bleah!

    I am mean! I know, I know. But I just feel so annoyed.

    Tell me, am I being unreasonable?? I don't make a big scene, but u can tell from my expression la. N I can very cold when angry. Sigh!

    Ok, that said, the night before was a better evening. We went to Fisherman's Wharf. Near my office for dinner. The fish is uber fresh. Similar to the ones in Australia. Backed up by the few who went to eat before. Eg: a British man ("W"), my boss, and ("P"). Its pretty good value as well. Their Fish n Chips goes for $6.50. Its a big portion with chips or fries. There is a difference. Learnt it when I ate there the first time. Chips are fries that are fresh and fried, while fries are frozen fries that are fried. Its a little crunchier. Hehe... Interesting right. Yeps. The fish is the bestest. No fishy smell or taste. And its all freshness. It is served in a basket. Cute! Truly! Fantastic. A must try. Its directly opposite Clarke Quay Station.



























    We had the oysters too. It goes for $2.5o per oyster for half a dozen. Erm, I forgot to take a pic before wolfing it down. Apologies!! :-p Its fresh. Nice and sweet smelling stuff. Some places serve unfresh ones. Bleah!

























    Last but not least, I took a picture of their menu. In case u all wanted to have a look at it before attempting a visit. Its run by non Singaporeans. Not sure of their nationalities, but somewhere from the western world. ;-) Well run and a pretty good establishment I will say.





























    This blog is not going to turn into some food review. Its just that I love food and thought to share as well where I go to. In case u find it interesting too. ;-)

    My mood is ok for now. I am balanced and feeling good. I had a heavy lunch too of Beef noodles and McDonald's french fries. Sigh. Fattening I know, but couldn't help it. "J" is wondering why I am eating so much today. Just feeling very hungry. I do not know why. Ahaahaahaaa.....